Secrets from her Past
by brittany89
Summary: Meredith had Derek to herself. That is until Addison shows up and crashes all hope she had for the future with Derek. At the same time, the childhood she was hoping to forget is threatening to push its way to the surface, exposing a secret that she desperately has tried to keep. She's forced to face her secret (and past) and she may have to do it without Derek. Full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Meredith thought she had it all. She had Derek to herself. She was finally beginning to become whole again. That is until Addison Shepard, Derek's wife whom she knew nothing about, shows up and crashes all hope she had for the future with Derek. At the same time, the childhood she was hoping to forget is threatening to push its way to the surface, exposing a secret that she desperately has tried to keep. Meredith is forced to face her secret she tried to avoid since she was ten years old. And she may have to do it without Derek. Starts at 1x9 (the first time Meredith found out about Addison). Some scenes I have pulled verbatim from the show and put my spin on it. **

**Chapter 1: An Unexpected Surprise**

As soon as Meredith Grey saw him, her heart skipped a beat. Today was a long day and she wanted nothing more than to crawl under the covers with Derek Shepard by her side, cuddling until they both fell asleep. Nothing sounded more blissful than that.

The word "boyfriend" caught Meredith off guard. She'd never thought of herself as having a boyfriend before. Not with her past and all that it entailed. But despite her own fears, she found herself in this moment. The moment where she saw him and everything melted away. The moment when all she wanted to do was be with him, to feel loved and cared for which was something that she had never felt, not even from her parents.

Derek sat in the waiting room, with a laptop in one hand and films in the other. His gorgeous eyes scanned each print separately. Meredith walked up to him, her purse in one hand and the coat in the other. His gaze shifted to her approach and her heart melted that much more. "Long day," he said simply.

Meredith stopped a few feet from where Derek was sitting. "Yeah," she agreed.

"Someone out there has a steak with their name on it," Derek said reaching for his bag to place his things in, "and maybe a bottle of wine."

"This is why I keep you around," Meredith said, watching Derek put his things away.

"So we need to talk," Derek said, standing to his feet.

"Wine first, talk later."

"Trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me," Derek joked. He smiled slyly at Meredith. She let out a dry laugh which he smiled at.

"I think I like this rules thing," Meredith admitted. She put her purse on a nearby seat so that she could get her coat on. Derek did the same.

"Me too." Derek finished with his coat and begun helping Meredith with hers. He lovingly fixed her collar while she freed her hair from behind the coat. He picked up his bag and turned to see a beautiful woman staring at them before she began to walk towards them. His heart dropped in his throat. Knowing this probably wasn't going to go over well with Meredith, he turned to her. He placed his hand on her arm, hoping that she would feel how sorry he was through his touch. "Meredith, I am so sorry," he said. His expression matched his emotion.

Meredith didn't understand at first but her happy demeanor quickly changed. A surge of fear ran through her body. Derek dropped his hand and turned his head; Meredith followed his gaze. A redheaded woman was walking their way. She had on a black dress with a black coat. Her heels clinked against the shiny hospital floor. Her soft curls bounced as she made her way towards them. She stopped short of Derek, placed her hand on her hip, and leaned her body weight on her right leg. She stared at him with a look mixed of disgust and honor.

"Addison," Derek whispered. He spat the word out through his teeth. "What are you doing here?"

"Well you'd know if you'd bothered to return any one of my phone calls," the woman said.

Meredith stared at this woman standing before her boyfriend. For some reason her red lipstick caught Meredith's eye. She looked her up and down. She was pretty.

Suddenly, the woman turned towards her and offered her hand. "Hi, I'm Addison Shepard."

Meredith took Addison's hand, almost unsure of herself. "Shepard?" she questioned. Her voice was soft and innocent.

Derek stared at Addison and her apparent disregard of anybody but herself. The look on Meredith's face alone was enough to pull at his heart.

Addison smiled. She let go of Meredith's hand and pointed at her instead. "And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband." Her hand pointed towards Derek.

Suddenly Meredith was unsure about everything that she thought she and Derek had. She dropped her gaze, her mouth agape. She had to repeat the words over and over again in her brain for it to stick. _He's married! _she thought. She didn't know what to do or what to say; she stood, frozen while Derek begrudgingly looked at Addison.

Derek placed a quick and hopefully comforting hand on Meredith's back. He saw the look in her eyes, the pain in her heart. He knew that feeling all too well. It's the same feeling he had when he caught his wife in bed with his best friend Mark Sloan. He leaned in close to Meredith. "Meredith," he breathed in her ear, but he stopped when he got no reaction. She just stood there, frozen, as if the world would stop if she moved. Then again, maybe _her _world had stopped.

Meredith brushed her shoulder to her ear to get rid of the tickle Derek's breath caused. She looked at him, pain in her eyes. Tears began to sting the back of her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall especially not in front of this woman. As soon as Derek open his mouth, Meredith interrupted. She stepped away from him as if her pain would decrease if she wasn't so close. "You know… I'm… I'm going to leave." Meredith glanced at Addison. "You guys need to talk." She paused and pointed towards the door. "So I'm going to go." She quickly turned around as the tears came down her face.

"Meredith," Derek called. But she scurried to the door faster after she heard her name.

Derek stared daggers at his wife. When he walked in on his wife and best friend, he stared at them. His face twisted to hurt as what he was seeing registered. His breathing slowed at the sheer sight. He didn't do anything though. He had no idea what to do. He simply turned around and stormed out.

"Derek," Addison had called. She got out of bed and threw a robe on. She followed her husband. "Wait, I can explain."

Derek turned around. "Explain what?" he yelled. He pointed towards the bedroom where Mark was emerging, using a sheet to cover himself. "Explain how I come home to find you in bed with my best friend!"

Addison jumped at the intensity of Derek's voice. It was full of anger; she had never heard him sound like that before. She closed her eyes as if she was letting the volume of Derek's voice drift from her ears. She opened her eyes and stared at him. "Please," she begged. She lightly grabbed his hand.

Derek quickly pulled his hand away from Addison. He shot a dirty look at Mark. "That's what I thought." He turned on his heels and headed to Seattle. That was the last time he had seen his wife, until now, when she had broken the news to Meredith that he was married.

In all honesty, Derek couldn't blame it all on Addison. _He _was the one that kept his wife a secret from Meredith. It was him that she was crying over right now. He had seen the glistening in her eyes as the tears prepared for their decent down Meredith's cheeks. Thinking about it made his heart ache for her.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded. He kept his voice low but full of anger. "How could you do that in front of her?" he asked pointing towards the door where Meredith had disappeared moments before.

Ignoring the latter question, Addison responded. "She seems… sweet. She's young, that whole wide-eyed 'ooh he's a brain surgeon' thing happening but it's still sweet which is what you were going for, right? The anti-Addison."

"If you came out here to try to win me back, you can forget about it."

"I did. I flew all the way across the country to reminisce over wedding photos, get drunk, fall into bed, and make you realize you can't live without me," Addison said. She paused to see stare at Derek's angry face. "Relax," she said. "Derek, I'm here for work. I'm helping with the TTTS case you guys admitted last week. It's Richard briefing…"

"Richard knew you were coming out here?" Derek interrupted. Surprise filled his voice.

"He asked me to come. Didn't he tell you?"

"No he didn't."

"What a surprise," Addison said. She leaned in closer to Derek. "I'll see you and your…" she paused searching for the right word, "mistress… around." With that, she turned to leave.

Derek watched her go, wishing she had never shown up in the first place. Or better yet, wishing he was honest with Meredith to begin with.

After escaping from her boyfriend and his wife, Meredith had walked across the street to the same bar that she and Derek had met. By now she was on her third shot of tequila, and she still wanted more. She craved for the comfort of being so drunk that she couldn't think straight or think of Derek.

And in that moment amidst everything with Derek, her past crept up on her like a high-speed train going around a bend. Derek made her forget about it. He made her forget about what happened to her and her friend when they were only 10 years old. He made her almost happy to forget about it. Almost. But now, what's going to make her forget about Derek's wife?

Charlotte Nelson. It was the name that would haunt Meredith forever. It was the name that would always be accompanied by sadness, guilt and shame. Before that, however, that name was associated with safety, comfort, and warmth.

Ellis Grey was not the most affectionate of mothers while growing up, but she was all that Meredith knew. She was her mother. How could she not love her mother? Now, Ellis spends her days in a nursing home because her Alzheimer's (something Meredith has not told anybody about) is too much for Meredith to handle on her own. She forgets who she is most days but back when Meredith was growing up, she knew who she was. She was the world-renowned general surgeon who had captured the attention of many prominent people across the country. And with it came the unintentional neglectful person Meredith knew as her mother.

After the age of ten, Meredith spent most of her time with nannies. Her mother was too busy to recognize she even had a daughter. Even at a young age, Meredith could tell that her mother didn't want her. She resented her own daughter for simply being alive. But her dad… She adored her father. He was caring, compassionate, and loved Meredith to no end. But her perfect picture of him dwindled when he had walked out on her and her mother.

She was ten years old. It was November, just a few weeks before Thanksgiving. Her father, Thatcher Grey, had gone into her bedroom and woke her up in the middle of the night. Meredith awoke with sleepy eyes. She rubbed her eyes and her father came into view. "Daddy?" she asked.

"Hey, Pumpkin," he said. His voice was small and Meredith detected that there was something wrong.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Daddy's going to go away for a little while," Thatcher said.

Meredith sat up, suddenly alert to everything in the room but most of all the deafening silence. "What do you mean?"

Thatcher straightened up. He cleared his throat, contemplating how best to tell a ten year old he was leaving. "Mommy and Daddy need some time apart so I'm going to go live somewhere else."

Meredith began to cry. "No," she protested wrapping her arms tightly around her father's neck. "Don't go," she pleaded, tears rushing from her eyes.

Thatcher took a deep breath and hugged his daughter for a few seconds before forcing her to release him. "Listen," he said, "I'm going to call you everyday. I'll come visit as often as I can." He kissed Meredith on the forehead. He stood up and walked to the door. Before disappearing, he turned around and said, "I love you."

That was the last time Meredith and her mother ever saw Thatcher. He never called, never wrote, never visited. For months after her father left, Meredith held false hope that he would show up and they would be a family again. It didn't take long for her to realize that he had left her. He left her without looking back. What's worse is he left only a few weeks after Charlotte's murder, the time when Meredith needed her father the most.

Since then, Meredith had vowed to never let another man hurt her again. But as she sat at the bar, taking her forth shot, she realized she had broken that promise to herself and now she was more broken than she had ever been.

**Please let me know what you guys think. I know exactly where this is going and I believe that it is good :) I'm really excited about this fanfic so feedback is appreciated!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Reunited**

The hangover hit Meredith like a ton of bricks. The wave of nausea that was constantly hitting her accompanied by a pounding headache had kept her awake most of the night. Not to mention, the constant thoughts of Derek flooded her mind all night. She was due at work in a couple of hours but the thought of seeing him or his wife for that matter made her nausea worse. She was also planning on going to visit her mother today, but it looked like that wasn't going to happen.

She wasn't sure what it was, but something made her visit her mother. It was the love she felt for her mother. Or maybe it was a mixture of love and hate. Either way, she did it for the love of her mother.

With a grunt, Meredith rolled out of bed. She figured that she needed to sober up before she went to work. She stumbled to the kitchen where she found an already hot pot of coffee on. She began to move towards it when she heard a voice ask, "Long night?"

Meredith jumped. She turned to find Izzie Stevens leaning against the counter. She held a hot cup of coffee between her hands and was periodically sipping it. Next to her, George O'Malley was pouring a bowl of cereal.

Meredith grunted. She grabbed a mug from a nearby cabinet and began to pour some coffee. "Turns out McDreamy is McMarried," she said dryly. She slowly sat down at the table, took a sip of her coffee, and rested her head in her hands.

"What?" George shouted in surprised.

Izzie's eyes widened. "What are you going to do?"

Meredith thought about Derek's gorgeous smile. It immediately made her weak in the knees. She simple shrugged. "I don't know." She took another sip.

George sat down next to Meredith, still in shock. "I can't believe he's married."

"How'd you find out?" Izzie asked, joining the pair at the table.

Without looking up at them, Meredith said, "I met her."

"Are you serious?" Izzie asked with a gasp.

Meredith just grunted in response. She took a big sip of her coffee and replaced her head in her hands. "What are you guys doing up anyway?" she asked changing the subject.

"We want to get a head start," George said, "for the good surgeries. Shepard's doing the stand up surgery on Joe today."

At the mention of Derek's name, Meredith grunted once more. She stood from her seat. "I'm going to take a shower."

xoxo

The surgery went by fast and flawless. Joe was going to make it. Derek had been focused on Joe's surgery all day but now it was time to focus on Meredith. He had plans to talk to Meredith. He hadn't been able to talk to her since their encounter with Addison. Last night he tossed and turned, drank a few beers and thought about Meredith. He wanted nothing to do with Addison. He wanted a divorce and he wanted to be with Meredith. He missed her skin on his. He missed feeling so close to her that he could barely breath. He wanted to kiss her and touch her. It was killing him that he couldn't. All he wanted to do was just talk to her.

Derek wandered the halls of the hospital looking for Meredith. Through Bailey, he found out that his wife had requested Meredith as her intern on a TTTS case. That fact alone made him unhappy and nervous. He itched for Addison to go back from where she came.

While roaming the halls, Derek found Addison. Not the person he was looking for but the person that can tell her were Meredith was. "Where's Meredith?" He didn't bother with a greeting.

"Well hello to you too," Addison quipped. She put her hands on her hips and gave Derek a fake smile.

"Why can't you go back from whence you came?" Derek asked, clearly not in the mood for Addison's antics. "Where's Meredith?" he repeated.

"You know, Derek, sooner or later you're going to have to talk to me." She paused and sighed. "Our patient today requested that Meredith be taken off the case because she was convinced that Meredith was the mistress."

Derek just stood there.

"Derek, I told Meredith that I cheated on you. She knows."

Derek sighed. So she now knew why he had left Addison and never looked back but she still had not come to find him. His nerves were starting to get the best of him but he needed to talk to her. He wanted to.

Addison caved. "Last I heard, she went to the locker rooms."

Derek stared down Addison. "Thank you," he said. There was absolutely no thankfulness in voice.

Derek rounded the corner to the locker room. He stopped in the doorway when he noticed Meredith. She was standing at her locker, her locker door open. It appeared as if she was just staring in her locker, mindlessly. There was no apparent reason why her locker was open.

Derek stepped in the locker room, careful as to not disturb Meredith. He watched her. Her body was stiff, and she made a tiny rhythmic noise which to Derek sounded like sniffling. Her sniffling made his heart go out to her. His eyes landed on a picture of two little girls hanging on the door of Meredith's locker. The girl on the right was blonde with a bright smile. She wore a pink dress with sunflowers printed on it. Her arm was placed around the little girl that stood next to her. The second little girl had long brown hair pulled back in pigtails. Her green eyes shined at the camera. She was also wearing a dress but hers was purple with what seemed like random squiggles covering it. Her smile was as bright as her friend's.

Suddenly Meredith turned around and faced Derek. Her eyes were puffy and red. She reached up and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. She didn't smile or frown; her face was blank.

"Who are they?" Derek asked, pointing to the picture of the two little girls hanging in Meredith's locker.

Meredith turned around to look at what Derek was pointing at. She quickly closed her locker and it looked as if fear and sadness flashed through her eyes. "Just me and my friend, Charlotte, from a long time ago," she said softly.

"You were an adorable blonde," Derek said as he stepped closer to Meredith. He offered her a smile which she did not receive. She seemed scared as if she wanted to run. Fortunately, Derek blocked the exit. "Let me explain," he offered. He stopped short of Meredith, careful to leave enough space in between them.

"There's nothing to explain," she said working her way around Derek to get to the exit but Derek stepped aside so that Meredith could not escape.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked. He looked at her with soft eyes. He sensed that there was something else running through Meredith's mind and it had nothing to do with Addison.

Meredith shot a look at Derek. "What's wrong?" she shouted. "What's wrong is my boyfriend has a wife he neglected to tell me about."

Derek reached out and touched her upper arm. He felt her relax in his touch but she quickly stiffened again. Suddenly her sadness turned to anger. "Leave me alone," she shouted. Her blood began boiling with every second spent in front of him.

Derek immediately dropped his hand. "I know how you feel," he said. He stepped towards her to comfort her but she dodged his grip.

"How do you know how I feel? I highly doubt you do because if you did you walk away now before I punch you."

Clearly Meredith wasn't going to punch Derek but she was looking for the most effective thing to get rid of the cause of her pain. Derek was about to admit defeat for now and walk out, but Meredith caught him off guard. She placed soft hands on his cheeks and pulled him in for a long, hard kiss.

Derek felt the coolness of her cheeks from her tears. But he reciprocated her kiss by slipping his tongue in her mouth. He grabbed her waist and pulled her close, pressing her against his body as hard as he could. With their tongues rolling around in each other's mouth, Derek was lost in the moment. Finally, he was able to kiss her. But just as quickly as she started, Meredith pulled away and walked out of the room, leaving Derek confused and disoriented by Meredith's long over due kiss.

Meredith stormed out of the locker room and headed for Bailey. She needed something to distract her from what she had just done and Bailey would provide her with what she wanted. She kicked herself for allowing herself to give in to Derek.

She found Bailey in the E.R. just as paramedics were wheeling a gurney in carrying a middle-aged man with a gunshot wound to his shoulder. He was bleeding profusely. The paramedics recited the patient's name and stats but as the gurney passed by Meredith. But Meredith didn't need to hear his name to know who he was. He was Aaron Redding. Meredith froze.

"Grey," Bailey called. "What are you doing? Get over here and help this man." She was referring to Aaron.

Meredith tried to shake it off. Maybe Aaron wouldn't recognize her. After all she's twenty years older. Then again she recognized him. She stepped up to the gurney. "Aaron," Meredith said, unsure of what to say. She tried to keep it together. "Can you hear me?" she asked. She shined a light in his eyes and quickly moved it out of his vision. His pupils were responding. That infuriated her. She grabbed some gauze from the nurse and placed it over Aaron's gunshot wound, pushing so hard that it caused a painful scream to come from her patient. Meredith smirked at the pain she was causing him. Then Meredith locked eyes with her patient for a millisecond and she knew that he knew who she was.

"Grey," Bailey called. "What are you doing?" She ran up to Meredith and pushed her hands away.

Meredith jumped back, releasing her grip on Aaron's chest. She stared at Aaron. Through the pain, Aaron stared back at her, and he smirked with an almost devilish grin.

"Grey, go! Get out of here!" Bailey scolded.

Meredith turned around to find Derek standing in the middle of the hallway. Clearly he had seen the whole thing by the surprised look on his face. His surprise contorted to concern as Meredith darted in another direction to avoid him. He took a couple of large steps towards Meredith's direction. "Meredith," he called. But it was too late. Meredith had run out of the hospital and into the night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: It's Enough**

Derek had to blink to make sure that Meredith was actually doing what he thought she was doing. She had put pressure on her patient's wound for the purpose of causing pain. But the look in her eyes was not satisfaction. Her mouth wasn't curled in a devilish smirk. She seemed upset and angry.

"Meredith!" Derek called after her again. But it was as if she didn't hear him. She kept running and when she disappeared around the corner, Derek pursued her. He had lost sight of her after she passed through the door but that didn't deter him. He stopped just a few feet outside of the doors.

The air had a chill to it and it brought heavy rain with it. Derek was safely tucked under the awning that protruded from the second story of the hospital. The slight sound of rustling leaves next to him caught his attention. He was half expecting to see Meredith standing there, staring at him but she wasn't. "Meredith," he called. He didn't know why he called for her; he knew she wouldn't answer. Instead, he ventured farther from the door. He scanned his eyes back and forth, looking for Meredith. She wasn't on the bench safely out of the rain which meant she probably ran off into the rain. He began to wonder if she had actually left the hospital in the middle of her shift.

Then he saw it: the headlights in the distance. The source came from Meredith's car. As he stepped closer to her car, he caught a glimpse of her sitting in the driver's seat with her hands on the steering wheel. She was griping the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles were white. He walked around the back of the car as to not scare Meredith away. He quickly sought shelter from the rain by jumping into the passenger's side of Meredith's car. She looked at him with sad eyes. His heart immediately went out to her. He reached out to take her in an embrace but she shrugged him off.

"Why won't you leave me alone?" Meredith pleaded. She looked at her lap and didn't bother to stop the tears from falling.

Confused about Meredith's indecisiveness about him, Derek opened his mouth to ask her about the kiss they had just a few minutes ago. But he decided it was unimportant in relation to what had just happened in the hospital. "I want to make sure you're all right." When she gave him a hard look indicating that that was a stupid question, he said, "I don't mean about me. I mean about what happened in there." He pointed towards the hospital doors. "Who was that man?"

Meredith took in a deep breath. Her tears had all but cleared."Go away," she snapped.

Derek didn't say anything but his face conveyed sadness for Meredith. He knew that he hurt her by not telling her the truth about Addison, but he also knew that there was something else inside of her, rolling around like a wrecking ball. It was something that was eating away at her. He wanted nothing more than to help her with it.

Derek looked out the windshield and watched the rain fall. His wet clothes and hair made sitting in the car uncomfortable but as long as Meredith was in here, he would be too. "She cheated on me with my best friend, " he began. "I couldn't handle it." He paused. "Richard offered me a job so I came here to Seattle."

"And what was I? Some one to screw for getting screwed?" Meredith countered. Her eyes bore into his.

"No," he said softly. "I was drowning and you were my lifeboat." He summoned the courage to look at Meredith to see her reaction. She just closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"That's not enough," she stated softly. She finally looked up at him. Her eyes pleaded with him but he couldn't figure out what she really wanted.

Derek reached for the door handle. He couldn't blame her for being so angry with him. He betrayed her after all. He opened the door and let one foot out of the car. He turned back to Meredith. "Who was that man in the E.R.? he asked again.

Meredith suddenly stiffened at the mention of the man as if she had forgotten about him. Her blood began to boil and her face became red hot. She looked at him with rage. "You don't get to ask me that anymore," she spat. "Now go!" she screamed. She jumped out of the car and walked back to the hospital, leaving Derek alone in her car. She didn't even bother to lock it.

Derek now knew. He knew that 1.) Her heart was broken and he was the cause and 2.) She was hiding something and it was becoming very difficult for her to keep it a secret as well as keeping herself together. It appeared as if it was eating away at her. Whatever it was.

With a hard sigh, Derek exited Meredith's car but not before making sure that he locked it.

xoxo

"Are you mental?" Cristina Yang questioned Meredith. She had heard about the incident in the E.R. with Aaron Redding.

Meredith stared up from her paperwork that she had placed in front of her on the nurse's station. "No," she said, turning her attention back to her paperwork.

Cristina leaned against the counter, staring at her best friend. "Who was the guy?"

"I thought he was the jerk that cut me off today earlier today," Meredith lied.

Cristina stared at her. "You know you're not a very good liar?" She paused. "You're not going to tell me who he really is, are you?"

Meredith finished her paperwork. She clicked her pen closed and placed it in her breast pocket on her scrubs. "Nope," she smirked. The pair began to walk down the hall.

"Well Burke wants to tell the chief about our relationship," Cristina said, changing the subject because he simply did not want to push Meredith.

"What are you going to do?" Meredith asked, dodging an oncoming nurse.

"I don't want him to, but I saw him in Richard's office today. I think he told him."

Meredith shook his head. "I don't know what's wrong with men these days."

Cristina shrugged. "I'm beginning to wonder why we keep them around." She paused and split away from Meredith. "I have to go check on Burke's patient," she said before disappearing.

Meredith continued to walk through the halls of the hospital. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Derek and Addison standing off to the side, talking. And it didn't look like they were fighting. While she had no intention of continuing a relationship with Derek (something she had finally decided when she was with Derek in the car), it didn't hurt any less when she saw Derek and Addison together. She continued to watch them until the pair disappeared down one of the myriad of hallways winding through the hospital.

Finally. Meredith was alone in the hospital and she had no patients that she was expected to check on. She quickly but meticulously searched patient charts for Aaron Redding. Turns out he survived his gunshot wound and just got out of surgery a few hours ago. She quickly and slyly slipped into Aaron Redding's hospital room.

Turns out that although Aaron was older, he looked exactly the same. His black hair had turned grey, and he was beginning to go bald. His muscles that Meredith remembered had dwindled to fat.

Meredith stepped into the room. She crossed her arms and just stared at him. He was sleeping, most likely under morphine. She envisioned herself cutting off his morphine drip but she couldn't move. It was as if she was in a trance when all she wanted to was to tear her eyes away. Even as Aaron began to stir, Meredith couldn't look away.

Aaron stared at Meredith with no apparent hint of recognition. "Can I help you?" Aaron asked.

"You don't remember me?" Meredith asked. She couldn't believe it. This man haunted her ever dream. It infuriated her that he didn't remember her.

"Nooo…" Aaron said slowly. "Should I?"

Meredith sucked in a fast breath and released it with a tiny laugh. "I don't believe you," she said, skepticism in her voice.

"Oh wait! You're that crazy bitch that put pressure on my wound," he said. He let out a fake laugh. "That hurt," he shuddered.

Meredith stepped closer, uncrossing her arms. "Want me to do it again?" she sneered.

"Grey!"

Meredith turned around to see Bailey standing at the door. "I don't know what you think you are doing but you are done here," she ordered. She moved into the room. "Go home. Come back when you're level headed."

Meredith turned back around and stared at Aaron with hatred in her eyes. And without a word, she slipped out of the room, and out of the hospital.

Meredith didn't go to the bar this time. Instead she went straight home. She was exhausted and couldn't handle another round of drinks. She sat on the edge of her bed with her head in her hands. All she wanted was for everything to be cleared up. She wished Aaron had never shown up in the hospital. She was doing okay until he showed up. She would have learned to bury it again. She always could. But this time was different. This time, she saw _him_. And now, memories of Charlotte came flooding back.

"Meredith," Charlotte's tiny voice boomed. She held up a picture of what she had just drawn. It consisted of black stick figures wearing dresses. One had blonde hair and the other had brown hair. They each had different color bows in their hair, and they were smiling. Around them was a field of lopsided lilies. And above them was a quarter of the sun shoved in the upper right hand corner of the paper. "Look, it's us."

It took a couple seconds for Meredith to pry her eyes away from her own drawing. She was laying on her stomach on the floor. She looked up at Charlotte who was sitting at Meredith's kid sized table that was in her bedroom. Meredith smiled. She held up her picture, though unfinished. Meredith had begun to draw a picture of her and Charlotte playing with Charlotte's golden retriever puppy, Alphie.

Suddenly the girls heard Meredith's mother's loud voice. "Thatch, go away," she warned. "I'm trying to figure this out."

Charlotte looked at Meredith. "Your mom and dad always fight," she said.

Then Ellis appeared in the doorway of Meredith's bedroom. "Look at what you've done, Meredith," she scolded.

Meredith looked down. For the first time she realized that she had gotten crayon shavings on the carpet. She looked back up at her mother, worried. "I'm sorry, Mommy."

Ellis entered the room. She took the crayons away from Meredith and placed them on the tiny table next to where Charlotte was sitting. "Get on the table," she ordered. "Now I have to clean this up."

Meredith laughed at the memory. It was ridiculous how angry her mother would get over the simplest things. She also remembered how wonderful it was to have Charlotte. They were best friends. Meredith loved Charlotte like a sister and unlike Ellis, Charlotte's mom Carol had treated her like she existed. But after Charlotte's body was discovered, Carol, her dad Robert, and her older brother Daniel moved. She never heard from them again, just like her father.

Meredith laid down on her bed until sleep overtook her. When she awoke, it was 2:00am. She wished she hadn't awoken. At least when she was asleep, she didn't have to think about Charlotte or Aaron or Derek.

Derek.

She missed him. She had an overwhelming urge to be in his arms. Without thinking, Meredith walked out the door, got in her car and found herself at Derek's trailer.

The headlights from Meredith's car had awoken Derek. He slipped out of trailer and onto his deck to find Meredith getting out of her car. It was still raining and he immediately noticed that she wasn't wearing a jacket. The rain had begun to soak her. God, did she look beautiful.

"I lied," Meredith said. She didn't move towards Derek. She allowed the rain to soak her. "It is enough. You're enough. I'm done being mad at you."

Derek rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He watched Meredith. She seemed put together compared to earlier in the car. He loved her; there was no doubt about that. But now, in this moment, things had just become extremely complicated. Addison handed him divorce papers early in the day and told him that if he signed them, then she would too. He had every intention of signing them when she handed them to him. But they were currently in his bag, leaning against the chair in the trailer, unsigned. He was having second thoughts about signing them and he couldn't pinpoint why. But as Meredith stood in front of him, soaked from the rain and more beautiful than ever, he realized that he had to choose between his wife and his girlfriend, both of whom he loved.

Derek stepped off of the deck, exposing himself to the rain. Without a word, he brushed Meredith's wet hair from her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. "You're so beautiful," he whispered. He smiled that heart-wrenching smile that he was so good at. He leaned in and brushed his lips against hers. It was soft and quick but there was so much meaning behind it. He opened his mouth to invite her in but she stopped him.

"I'm going home," she said. "I just wanted to let you know that it is enough." With that, she got into her car and drove off, leaving Derek alone to decide between two wonderful women.

**Thanks to all of you who read and a special thanks to those of you who have reviewed! (minus the person that sends bitchy reviews saying that she doesn't like it but keeps reading it anyway)**

**Have a good day!**


	4. Chapter 4

**And seriously, if you don't like my fanfic, then cool. That's your problem. So just don't read it. **

**Chapter 4: Alone at Last**

It was a hard decision: Meredith or Addison. Derek had not thought taken his decision light-heartedly. He loved Meredith. There was absolutely no doubt about that. But Addison was his wife.

Derek sighed. He rubbed his index finger around the rim of his coffee cup. He sat in the attending's lounge of Seattle Grace Hospital. He currently had no patients to see and was taking advantage of his free time. He was thinking so hard that he didn't hear Bailey walk in. She sat in the seat next to him.

"Ugh, I'm so beat," she sighed. She leaned against the back of the chair and closed her eyes for a few seconds.

Derek gave a sad smile. "Me too," he agreed. "Just waiting on a patient's CAT scan." Derek looked at his coffee before taking a sip.

"You haven't signed those divorce papers yet, have you?" Bailey asked.

Derek shook his head. He looked at her. "Is it that obvious?" He looked at his coffee and back at Bailey. "Tell me what to do."

Bailey sat straight and laughed.

"God, why does this have to be so hard?"

"It's not hard. It's painful but it's not hard," Bailey said.

Derek smiled. He knew Bailey was right.

"You know what to do already," Bailey said. "If you didn't, you wouldn't be in so much pain."

Derek gave a small and understanding smile. He knew Bailey was right. He owed it to himself and Addison to try again. But his love for Meredith was real. It was as real as he was and he had no idea how to tell Meredith. He had no idea how Meredith would react but he knew it wouldn't be good.

"Who is that guy that Meredith was with in the E.R?" Derek asked. He cared about Meredith a lot. Just because he chose Addison, doesn't mean he has to give that up; he wouldn't.

"His name is Aaron Redding," Bailey responded. "He's an elementary school teacher. He got shot while cleaning his gun. Or at least that's what he's saying."

"You don't think so?"

Bailey shook her head. "The wound isn't consistent with what he's saying."

Derek stood up. "I have to go find Meredith," he said. While it was true, that was not his intention. He slipped out of the lounge and traveled to the recovery wing of the hospital. Finding Aaron's room wasn't all that hard. He entered.

Aaron was laying in his bed. The remote to the TV was laying beside him. He had positioned his left arm so that he had to do was use his finger to press the channel button on the remote control.

Derek went for Aaron's chart sitting in a cubbyhole at the end of his bed. He began to flip through it. "I'm Dr. Shepard," he greeted. "How's your pain level?"

Aaron stared at Derek. "What is a brain doctor doing looking at my chart?"

Derek looked up at Aaron with a skeptical look.

Aaron pointed to the laptop sitting on the table beside his bed. "My wife brought my laptop in," he said. "I wanted to know the quality of the hospital I landed in so I looked it up online."

"Uh-huh," Derek grunted.

"That doctor—Dr. Meredith Grey, I think her name is—is hot," Aaron commented. When he saw the unamused look on Derek's face, he added, "I saw the way you looked at her in the E.R. You know when she was hurting me."

Derek's eyes narrowed. He placed Aaron's chart back in its place with a loud crash. "Who are you?" he demanded. He crossed his arms and stepped around Aaron's bed.

Aaron smiled. "Just a friend."

Derek stared at him, unmoving. If looks could kill, Aaron would die a painful and slow death.

"Hey doc, I'm a little thirsty. Can you pour me some water?" Aaron said pointing at the water pitcher next to his laptop.

"Get it yourself," Derek spat as he exited the hospital room.

xoxo

Meredith waited for Derek all day. She expected… Actually she didn't know what she expected from Derek after last night. She didn't know what going to his trailer and basically confessing her love had accomplished. But she expected something. Anything.

Meredith kind of made it a point to avoid Derek but at the same time she wanted nothing more than to see him. If he hadn't come to her yet, then she figured that he didn't want her anymore. She personally had heard nothing about divorce between Derek and Addison, so maybe they were trying their relationship again. But that didn't make sense. It seemed to Meredith that he was over her. Everything ran through Meredith's mind. _Had he decided he has had enough with me? Does he not love me anymore? Did he every love me? _

Meredith was jolted from her thoughts by Derek's voice calling her name. She turned around to find him standing before her. All the hustle and bustle from the hospital halls had faded around her. It was as if it was just her and Derek now.

"Addison handed me divorce papers a couple days ago," Derek offered.

Meredith's hopes began to rise. She didn't say anything, however. She just waited for him to continue but he didn't.

The sound of Derek's beeper startled Meredith, and suddenly the world around Meredith began to reappear.

Derek looked at his beeper and then up at Meredith. "I have to go," he said.

"Oh," Meredith said simply. It suddenly dawned on her that Derek had already given her an answer. The fact that Derek had said he got the divorce papers a couple days ago rang in Meredith's ears. He was implying that he hadn't signed them and that he had no intention to.

"I'm sorry, Meredith," Derek said, his heart wrenched in his chest. "She's my family."

Meredith didn't say anything. All she did was stare at him. All he could do was stare at him.

Derek began to walk away but stopped. He turned back around and faced Meredith. "If love were enough, "he said, "I'd still be with you."

One thing is for curtain: Meredith didn't expect Derek to pick Addison. In fact, as far as she was concerned, she didn't even know that he was thinking about going back to Addison. Derek made it sound like it was over between him and Addison for good.

Meredith's heart broke in two as she watched Derek disappear down the hall. As she watched Derek leave, she knew exactly what she had to do about Aaron Redding.

xoxo

Meredith sat at a medium sized, metal table placed in the middle of a tiny room. She sat in a cold, metal seat that matched the table. On the other side of the table, there was matching chair. Behind her was a wall of bars leading to the outside. Directly in front of her was a matching set of bars designed to keep prisoners in. Two guards were stationed off to either side of Meredith. She took a deep breath as another set of guards led a tall, white haired man into the room from the halls behind the bars directly in front of her. The guards guided the man to the seat in which he graciously took.

"Meredith Grey," the man said. He looked her up and down. "I got to tell you that I never expected to see you here." He shifted in his chair, crossing his legs. He locked his hands together at his kneecap.

"Robert Tate," Meredith breathed.

The last time Meredith saw him, he was about twenty years younger. His hair was brown back then and his green eyes had a brighter tint to them. He was also had a rounder belly back then, the affects of too much beer.

"The last time I saw you, you were a little girl," Robert said stating what was unsaid between them.

Meredith remembered that day perfectly. She was ten years old, only three months shy of her eleventh birthday. Her dad had just left the family only a week prior. She was wearing a white dress with white dress shoes and white, frilly socks. Her mother had insisted on that outfit saying that it looked sophisticated. As much as sophisticated can be on a ten year old.

The prosecutor stood in front of her. She wore a dress suit complete with heels and her hair pulled back in a tight bun. "Meredith, can you point to the person who you saw take Charlotte Nelson?"

Meredith sat on the witness stand. She swung her feet. They had put a booster seat on the chair to elevate her so that everybody could see her. Meredith stared at her mother who sat in the back of the courtroom with a look of encouragement on her face. Meredith shifted her gaze to Robert Tate who was seated at the defendant's table just off to the right of Meredith. Meredith pulled a shaky finger up and pointed at Robert. "It was him," she said, softly. She looked up at the judge who was seated immediately to her right. The judge smiled at her.

Looking back on it, Meredith was absolutely terrified to be on the witness stand but her mother had insisted on it.

"What do you want?" Robert asked, seemingly uninteresting in Meredith's presence.

Meredith shrugged. "I saw him," she said. "The man who killed Charlotte. I saw him."

**Thanks to almost all who read :) I really like my fanfic :D And seriously, if you don't like it, cool. Just stop reading.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: The Partial Truth**

Robert leaned closer to Meredith, suddenly interested in what she had to say. "Yeah."

"I'm going to talk to your lawyer but I need his…." Meredith began.

Robert leaned back in his chair, his interest fading. "Don't do me any favors, Sweetheart. You've done quite enough already," he interrupted. He crossed his arms.

Meredith sighed. She deserved that but she wasn't deterred. "Listen," I was afraid back then. I didn't know what he would do to me but I'm ready now."

Robert stared at Meredith. "And what makes you so ready?" he countered.

"Because I saw him today. He recognized me."

Robert slowly shook his head. Prison life had made him hard. From what Meredith remembered, he was kind of nice, tender even. But that seem to have all but faded.

When Robert didn't say anything, Meredith continued. "I'm a doctor now. He showed up today with a gunshot wound. I thought I'd never see him again.

Robert laughed; it was almost sinister. "You mean to tell me that you're a doctor now? Like your mother?"

Ahh… there it was. Her mother. Meredith could never escape her mother's reputation even if she wanted to. The world revered her mother while her mother revered her job.

Frustrated, Meredith snapped. "Do you want my help or not?"

Robert quickly leaned forward and slammed his fist on the table, causing Meredith to jump and the two guard to flinch. "Help?" Robert spat. "I could have used your help when you ten years old on the witness stand." He paused. "I haven't seen my little girl in fifteen years because of you. She just turned 19 last month. My wife divorced me and remarried. She gave up on me."

Meredith suddenly felt the sting of this man's words. She had literally ruined his life by testifying for the prosecution. She knew all along that Robert Tate wasn't the man who murdered her friend. She was with Charlotte when she was abducted. Meredith saw his face. She remembered the story that she told over and over again to the police.

"Eight. Nine. Ten," ten-year-old Meredith chanted. She uncovered her eyes and scanned her surroundings. No Charlotte. "Ready or not, here I come!"

Meredith stood next to a giant Sycamore tree that, during the summer, had leaves spanning a diameter of fifteen feet. But in the fall, the leaves were resting on the ground in a swirl of oranges, yellows, and browns. This tree had been dubbed "base" for their weekly game of hide-and-go-seek.

A woman and her son were the only ones that occupied the playground off to Meredith's far right. The playground was open, containing no tunnels or hiding spots for Charlotte or Meredith. They preferred the various floras that surrounded the park. It provided more hiding spots than either of their houses. To the girls, it was a mini forest.

Meredith peeked through the trees, seeing only a faint outline of the parking lot on the other side. But no Charlotte. So Meredith ventured deeper into the trees, looking for Charlotte. She eventually made her way through the trees and out on the other side by the parking lot. She noticed only two cars: a blue car in which the woman from the playground was strapping her son in and a white car. But Meredith's attention was pulled away from the woman because she heard rustling. "I found you," Meredith called. She ran in the direction she thought she heard the rustling.

A loud child's laugh came from the opposite direction that Meredith was running. Meredith immediately stopped and turned around to see Charlotte making a run for base. "No you didn't," Charlotte called, laughter in her voice.

"Oh yes I do," Meredith said, beginning to run after Charlotte. She was convinced she could catch up to Charlotte but thought wrong when she leaped to touch her and fell instead.

Laughter immediately erupted from Charlotte who leaned against the "base" tree. "No you don't," she smiled.

Meredith grunted a little and stood up, brushing the dirt from her pants and jacket. "Just you wait," Meredith said, convinced she'd win next time.

Both girls were too involved in their own conversation to see a muscular black haired man approach.

"Hey, girls?" he said. "I'm Aaron. What are your names?"

Meredith and Charlotte startled and looked at the man. He towered over the girls. A cold breeze blew and Meredith wrapped her jacked a little tighter around herself. "I'm Meredith," she said. Charlotte said nothing.

Aaron kneeled down so that he was eye-level with the girls. He looked at Charlotte. "What's your name?"

Aaron didn't seem scary, at least to Meredith. He reminded her of her father.

"Charlotte."

Aaron smiled. "Well girls, I was wondering if you could do me a favor. I lost my puppy and I can't find her. Want to help?" He produced a picture of a small black and white puppy from the inside pocket of his coat and showed the girls. The puppy reminded them of Alphie and they immediately wanted to help.

Meredith and Charlotte shook their heads.

"Her name is Oreo," Aaron said. "My car is over here." Aaron pointed to the only remaining white car in the nearby parking lot. "I lost her somewhere else."

Feeling uneasy, Meredith grabbed Charlotte's hand. She didn't want to have to go anywhere with this man. "We can't," Meredith said. "We have to go home for dinner."

Charlotte's house was just half a block down the street from the park. Carol had let the girls go to the park by themselves like she had done a hundred times before, as long as they checked in every half hour.

"Oh, come on," Aaron protested. "It'll only take a little while. Then we can go for ice cream."

Meredith shook her head. Charlotte followed her friend's behavior.

Suddenly, Aaron stood straight up and looked at the girls, frustration filled his face. He simply reached out, grabbed Charlotte and took off towards the white car. Meredith, meanwhile, ran to Charlotte's house.

Meredith sighed. Looking at Robert Tate and remembering Aaron Redding, Meredith had to tell the truth now. She lied about it being Robert Tate because she was afraid that she would be in trouble some how. That is why Meredith didn't tell the whole truth. Not only did she lie about the identity of Charlotte's abductor, she lied about what had happened that day. Even now, she was hoping to keep that a secret even as she pursued the right killer.

"Look," Meredith began, "the twentieth year anniversary was a month ago. Thanksgiving is in a few days and I…" Meredith stopped to think. "I don't expect you to jump up and down. I'm doing this for me. So I can feel better. Sending you to prison for another man's crime was… was… inexcusable but I want to make it right. I want that bastard to pay for what he did to Charlotte."

Robert rested his elbows on the table and offered a tiny but sad smile. "Well, then," he began, "Merry Christmas to me."

xoxo

"Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I was thinking that we could go out to eat since, you know, we never have time to cook one. I was thinking about the one off Maple. I heard they have great Italian food," Addison ranted. She waited impatiently for Derek's response.

Derek didn't bother to look up from his patient's MRI test results.

"Am I invisible? I feel invisible."

Derek didn't respond.

"And suddenly I feel inaudible."

"I'm sorry. What?"

Addison walked to where Derek sat. She put her hands over the results, making it impossible for Derek to see them. He finally looked at her giving Addison what she wanted. "Thanksgiving dinner. Tomorrow," Addison said.

Derek leaned back in his chair and used his thumb and pointer finger of his right hand to rub his eyes. "Yeah."

Addison smiled. "Well all right then," she said. She stared at Derek. She wanted to say something but decided against it and left instead.

Derek sighed. He looked towards the door and saw Meredith, Cristina, Izzie, and George turning the corner of the hall in the distance. Meredith had seemed nervous and sullen. He couldn't figure it out. Of course he knew that he broke her heart by choosing Addison, but there was something else that made her different. He knew it had to do with Aaron Redding.

But Derek had to keep reminding himself that he had chosen Addison. It did not mean he didn't love Meredith anymore. And because of this, he wanted to know who Aaron Redding is and why he seemed to bring out the worst in Meredith.

xoxo

Deciding to make Aaron pay was the easy decision. Getting a judge to overturn Robert's conviction on account of Aaron's guilt was the hard part. There was no way that Meredith was going to run from this anymore, especially not after seeing Aaron.

"…you guys better be there," Izzie said.

Snapping back to reality, Meredith turned her head to look at Izzie. "Yes, of course, we are all going to be there."

Cristina opened her mouth to protest Thanksgiving dinner at Meredith's but George quickly silenced her.

"We will all be there," George interrupted. "Even Burke," he added giving a hard look at Cristina.

"Great," Izzie said just as her beeper went off. "Crap," she said before taking off down the hall rather fast.

"What was that?" Cristina asked.

"We are being supportive," Meredith said. "Alex cheated on her and she needs us to be supportive."

Cristina sighed. Changing the subject, she turned to Meredith. "And what about you? I'm your person. You've been acting weird."

Meredith stiffened. She hadn't told any of her friends about who Aaron really was. And she wasn't sure that she was ready to. "Nothing. Just tired," she lied. However when she saw Cristina's and George's unsatisfied look, she added, "I miss Derek." It was not a lie. She absolutely missed him. Every second of every day.

Cristina crossed her arms. "Uh-huh," she said slowly.

Meredith gave a small smile and turned her head in time to see Derek staring at her from afar. He was sitting at a table, just staring. What did he want? He had broken her heart? She had taken up the Aaron Redding project because he had haunted her all her life and because it was easier than thinking about Derek. Of course, there was nothing more that she wanted than to have Derek by her side while she did it. She let out a small chuckle. Even if he was with her, she probably wouldn't tell him anyway.

"Well, I'm going to find Burke," Cristina said, "to tell him about our Thanksgiving plans." She started in the opposite direction that the group had been walking and disappeared.

"I'll see ya later," Meredith said taking off towards Derek. When she got close enough for him to hear her, she said, "And what are you looking at?" She turned her head and kept walking. But that didn't deter Derek.

"Meredith," Derek called, jogging to catch up with her. He gently grabbed her upper arm and made her face him.

"What?!"

Derek startled at Meredith's voice. "I just want to make sure you're alright."

Meredith narrowed her eyes. "Are you kidding me?" She shook her head. "What do you think?"

Derek's gaze fell. "I meant about Aaron. Are you okay with him around?"

"I'm taking care of it," Meredith said between her teeth. Was it even possible to love and hate somebody at the same time? I guess so, because that's how she felt about Derek.

"What does that mean? Who is he? I went and talked to him and…"

Meredith's gaze shot up. She looked Derek in the eyes. "You what?" she shouted. "You shouldn't have done that." With that, Meredith quickly scurried off.


End file.
